My art has always been partially for therapy and partially to communicate with other people. It was so bad I used to carry my portfolio around with me just so people would ask about it so I'd have the convenient excuse to show them my work! The logic was if they liked what they saw we'd get along but even if they didn't find anything to their tastes at least it all would have been better than not starting a conversation at all! Of course this happened to be during a time my therapist had me on a cocktail of pills that was hurting my mental well being more than helping it and all my art could be classified as the "Edgerton McEdgy collection". I'm sure to most people I just came off as weird and kind of obnoxious but I was young,dumb,full off cum,and wearing my heart desperately on my sleeve for any kind of validation or attention.
Even now I'm "more sane" in the present I admit getting a little attention is nice but I've come to realize I enjoy drawing so much I'd probably still do it anyway if there was no audience and no profit to be made from it. For me art is its' own reward, a catharsis similar to how some people with self-harm issues snap themselves with rubberbands! I feel kind of fortunate as many people with depression issues who live right at the poverty line resort to drugs or alcohol to deal with their internal demons whereas all I have to do to sate my pyschosis is brain-storm up a new character or draw two fictional beings banging the fuck out of one another!
But it doesn't mean there was no price paid to do what I do. You gotta be careful with being an artist and balance it with other things or it's easy to become hopelessly introverted and anti-social. Artists that have jobs interacting with people are more blessed than they realize as it keeps that metaphorical "socializing muscle" greased up and well used. It always helps to be able to not only talk to people but come up with topics they actually find interesting!
I'm not as "terrible" interfacing with people as I used to be but it's still an uphill battle getting beyond those usual polite pleasantries and simply commenting on bland mundane tid-bits like the weather. I guess you could say I know how to make a good impression on people but I do not know how to sell myself to them as "interesting" or "alluring". By now many of them know I draw but it's difficult for me to elaborate on just "what" I draw and "what" I'm trying to build. We live in a time people are so easily offended I'm often left feeling like the safest most milquetoast responses are best even if the honest and risque responses would let someone inside to get to know me better.
I'm not special in this regard. I'm sure everyone feels as if they're wearing a mask. I just hate how that sensation is amplified with restraints at play such as political correctness,bureaucracy, and just how repressed our civilization is when it comes to talking candidly about sex and attraction. This is why when I'm asked "How I feel" by the usual suspects paid to ask such questions my answers to them are never entirely truthful. "The truth" frightens and many human beings fear what they cannot immediately relate to or understand. Beyond that, who has the right to steal another person's secrets thereby leaving them vulnerable and naked to the judgement of others? Opening up should be a choice. Of course it's easier to do that with a friend or a lover than a random paid shrink or social worker. Even today there are aspects of psychology that make me scratch my head. What I speak of here is some of my qualms with that institution!
Anyway I'm done. Sorry for the melancholy, I'm just a wee bit more lackadaisical during the winter months,especially when it's close to my birthday. Thanks for putting up with me dear readers!